Twilight
by Javelin the Silent One
Summary: Maybe things would be better if he didn't hate himself so much...maybe all he needs is a push in the right direction


Disclaimer: Halflight doesn't own Kurogane or Fai, nor does she own the song "Twilight" by Vanessa Carlton. Elephants trample on corpse of Halflight's Hopes and Dreams, which has already been dismembered by the tiger

…Keep movin, folks. Shows over.

Hi there, HL here.

My other KuroFai fic, "My Sweet Darlin'" isn't coming along as well as I would want. Sooooooo, hence this one!...So, I tend to be a bit of a slacker. Sueth me. ish sued GAAAAH!

Anyway, about the song…well, funny story. Kinda. Not really. See, at our school we have theesh things called "Daytimes" at the end of a semester where people prance around on the stage in pretty costumes—they're dance daytimes (and are really good. The music's good, too). So I listened to this song, and I thought, "Wow, that'll work with either Syaoran-kun and Sakura or Fai and Kurogane!

Of course, guess who has KuroFai CONSISTENTLY on the brain today?

So, you'll forgive me for writing yet ANOTHER piece of crap…I know, but I don't wanta get rusty. So on we go!

Warnings: Shonen-ai, possibly veiled Yaoi…or summin. TURN BACK NOW OR ABANDON ALL HOPE ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE!…there. That should've scared off the homophobes! Allrighty, then! 3

_**Twilight**_

By Der Half of Lights

_And I will never see the sky the same way and _

_I will learn to say good-bye to yesterday and _

_I will never cease to fly if held down and _

_I will always reach too high cause I've seen, cause I've seen, twilight _

_--_Michelle Branch, "Twilight"

It would have made more sense if it were night, if the stars were out to bear witness to the pretty porcelain face turned towards the sky.

It would have made Fai feel less alone, less vulnerable…less of a fool. But since when does life give you what you want? Ask for a loaf of bread, it'll hand you a snake.

So all he could do was fixate that stupid smile on his face, look up at the sun, hopefully blind himself so that he didn't have to see his appalling reflection leering back at him from underneath the glassy surface.

It was easier not to see. Water was truth, and he could not handle the truth.

He couldn't stand to see what a monster he was.

So he waited.

From somewhere in the house came the faint plink of a piano key and Fai was swallowed by the rapturous butterfly sounds that flew forth from lighter fingers. Not his, mind you, most certainly not, his hands could never hope to create a sound so pure but a croak, something musty that would crumble and fall away at his lightest touch.

He wished he could hear Chi's laughter, cascading through the worlds to dance around him and tussle his hair—anything to lighten the mood and say yes, you are loved, you are wanted, do not forsake this fight. But all he heard was water, and so he closed his eyes and tried not to see the flaming leaves dancing on the stream's surface…leaves that danced and wove, whispered in the wind and cast the water in the color that sang to him of memories forsaken...of songs long lost...of someone he thought he loved now cast beneath the icy waters of Celes.

It tore his heart, as always. But the tears did not come, the smile does not fall away…the eyes remained empty, formulating meditations on the broken reflections on the water.

He felt his breath hitch, no, not here, not now, he thought. He sits and takes a few shuddery breaths. Not working, his mind raced by, not working not working oh God what am I to do?

So he started to hum. Head bowed, lips slighty parted, he forced his throat to grind into action, trying to smooth out the harsh pincushion his Adam's apple seemed to have become. He was vaguely aware of the presence of someone behind him, sensed the susurrus on the grass behind him. But he didn't move, it was like staring into the eyes of a predator.

Sit still long enough, and he'll go away.

It was a game he had experience at.

"Why do you seem to cry so?"

He nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of the gruff voice, suddenly very gentle, and the caress of large, thick hands running through his hair like water.

"I…am not crying."

"That's crap and you know it."

"…Yeah."

He wished desperately that the other would scoff like he usually did, toss a "bah" and good riddance over Fai's shoulder before stomping off. Instead the hands entwined themselves in dandelion yellow hair, scratching and massaging the skin underneath gently.

"You're not crying—"

"See! Kuro-wan was—"

"Let me finish," he growled, and Fai was startled into silence by the sudden digging of nails into his scalp.

"What I meant was you don't shed any tears, idiot, but you drown them in smiles and alcohol…all the while even questioning yourself then.

"Don't get me wrong, I don't like people who are fake. But what I hate the most is when the fakers have someone they can turn to, cry to…and they don't."

"….."

The blue eyes stayed averted as the ninja took his shoulders and whirled him around, and Fai was startled by the intensity of that gaze that rested on the high perfection of his cheekbones, the smooth white skin that gleamed and seemed to glow in the setting sun.

But Fai avoided the eyes and so was able to crush the pain rising in his throat; the dying tears that threaten to spill over his long lashes; the painful surge of passion and desire he would feel just looking into those eyes.

"Fai, look me in the eye."

"No."

"Fai—"

"I said no, didn't I, goddammit!" He started to tremble underneath the hands that tightened to firmness but not pain.

"It's easy for you—you don't have to look away, you don't have to fear the tears. But what about the rest of us, the ones that aren't warriors? What do we have to fall back on except ourselves, so easily broken?" His voice began shaking, it was painful to speak but oh, God, it felt good, I'm no stranger to pain that's what he always wanted from me right? My screams.

"Don't presume to know a thing about me, Kuro-sama." Fai spoke, up until now, not as a man wallowing in self-pity but as someone simply telling the truth, no matter how painful his eyes betrayed it. But now a little knife sliced through the mutilation of the ninja's name, something aiming to scar and scrape and bleed.

Kurogane didn't see through it. Fai had known he wouldn't, and that was sad.

A strong hand came up from underneath, grazing the angled perfection of the effeminate chin before lifting the face upward, up and away and into those intense red burning eyes, pools of beauty and strength that pulled Fai like a fish on a rod.

"I won't hurt you."

"They always do."

"I'm not 'them,' now am I?" The hands seemed to act of their own accord now, moving over his lips, cheeks, ears, pausing on the neck before making their way down idly to his chest and tracing a hand lazily down the middle. "I'm me, Fai. No, don't look away, don't try to hide behind a mask as you always do."

"I…I have…aaaaah." He was too distracted by the hands, too astonished by the tender ministrations from the callused, muscular hands to say anything.

"Let me be the one to wash away that sorrow…let me cleanse your tears." The hot breath on his ear caused him to gasp, then—involuntarily—moan. He was caught midway by strong, firm lips that washed away everything in a slow, sultry wave of passion.

Everything fell silent, if only for a moment. And then, as though waking from a particularly deep sleep, he heard the light susurrus of leaves as the wind stirred them, Sakura's flighty, soft laughter, the sharp, acute sounds of the piano underneath her fingers.

And he thinks, as Kurogane's ministrations continue, that Kuronpi would make quite a wonderful piano player.

"Mmm..."

The kiss ended as Fai realized his sudden, acute need for air, and even then it was a slow, sensual parting, their breaths still combining as one through their deep, sporadic panting. And it was then Fai realized how very cold it had gotten, because Kurogane suddenly seemed so warm and sweet, his large hands caressing his spine with all the viciousness of a butterfly.

So he made the best of the situation, leaning forward and planting his lips on the dark, muscular neck while arching his back outwards to accommodate Kurogane's almost pawlike hands. The only thing he heard then was the shuddery intake of breath of his heart's desire, the breathy, airy way it was sighed out.

"Fai," Kuro-sama whispered, tugging with his firm lips at Fai's earlobe.

"Mm?"

"Do you…do you think the kids will find us here?"

And Fai began to shiver as his body stiffens; but the hands upon his body only accentuate his longing, and the night was so sweet and cold that to be alone would be a sin. And so he pressed his lips yieldingly into Kuro-rin's, the tight knot of loneliness and nervousness in his stomach starting to loosen a little bit.

Fai faltered, trying to steady his shaking hand as it graced the first mother-of-pearl button on Kurogane's outfit; but instead of cool cotton, his shivering hands met strong, warm ones that encircled his, lips that leaned close and grazed his lips in a chaste kiss. "You're scared."

"I…."

"Please, don't be afraid…don't turn away. Just relax, okay? I won't hurt you."

He wasn't certain as Kurogane kissed him again, but as he allowed him entrance into his mouth and permitted the tall one to push him into the soft carpet of grass, something within him came undone, and warmth suffused throughout his heart and through his body. And so he closed his eyes and permitted the warm hands to roam over him once more; here, there, everywhere was a sweet spot as only one thought permeated the haze of his eyes—a thought that consisted not of sight or sound, but of black hair and red ice as they descended farther into fire.

"Fai, you…you're beautiful…."

How long had it been since he had heard those words? Since someone had caressed him and made him feel so alive?

His slender, butterfly hands tried to flit up to the shirt; again, they were stayed by the hard, calloused hands.

"No, Fai."

"Kuro—"

The latter silenced the wizard with a searing, stinging kiss. "Not tonight," he whispered through his airy gasps. "Not…not tonight. Tonight…tonight is about…about you."

"But—ah!" He yelped, then moaned languidly as Kurogane nipped his shoulder, his neck, everywhere over his bare chest and over the ticklish, tender skin of his abdomen. He could only close his eyes and mewl pleadingly at the sweet torture his body was going through, please let this never end, never….

"You okay, idiot?"

"….nhhhhhhh…." He did his best not to writhe as the last of their clothing was pried off their bodies and flung aside. Kurogane paused before reaching over and pulling a trenchcoat he had been wearing over next to them. "Fai, are you su—"

He silenced him with a kiss. "Just let me love you. No talk. Now." And so he took his hand, kissing the fingertips with his lips and guiding their passion down to the gentle murmur of a sea far, far away.

-------------------

"……."

"….Kuro-chan…?"

"I'm sorry…did I…."

"Nope." Fai leaned over, still lightheaded in the aftermath of satiation, and kissed the half-lidded eyes. "No. I…thank you." All he got was a grunt, and the feeling of warm, strong arms encircling him. Fai pulls the trenchcoat around him and plants a slow, languid kiss on Kurogane's throat, drawing a pleased growl from his Kuro-koi.

"You better follow through with that," he muttered sleepily, voice half gone in the lazy loopy downward spiral of sleep.

Fai places his head on the warm, hard chest. The last thing he sees is his reflection, half-lidded and sleepy…not smiling, but content.

For some reason…he thought his reflection was a little less repulsive.

"…I love you…thank you."

Then the night was silent, save for a quiet song of fire and ice that tumbled about the air; the quiet babble of a brook going on its merry way to nowhere.

----------------------------

_As the sun shines through it pushes away and pushes ahead _

_It fills the warmth of blue and leaves a chill instead and _

_I didn't know that I could be so blind to all that is so real _

_But as illusion dies I see there is so much to be revealed._

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Criticism is appreciated, as long as it's polite….


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